The mission: To boldly go where no Jazz Guitar has ever gone before…

Captains Log

Star Date: 22712.5

It seems so long ago when this journey began… like the dawn of time. As if nothing ever existed before we embarked on this unearthly path. None of the brave pioneers who originally set out on this mission could have foresorn the possibilty of any of the events to befall us. Those of us that survived have formed a new society, one based on baked beans and sausages, and now, well over half way through the assignment and still accelerating towards our distant goal, things are again running smoothly in this intergalactic class starship we have come to call Bailey World.

When the aliens left it took some considerable time to clear up the mess, but having two large anuses 18″ apart cannot be easy, especially with the plumbing we have around here, designed essentially as it is, for humans only. Seargeant Davies’ attempt to rig up a dual funnel type device and try to catch some of the foul effluent had been fruitless as the phenomenal pressure these creatures produce proved too much for even her technical aboundments.

Meanwhile, as things have been a bit calmer, I have had some time to concentrate on the contruction of our latest specialised ‘Jazz Class’ Spaceship, meticulously and painstakingly installing the additional  ‘….nice’ and a little extra ‘….cool’ just to be doubly sure.

This is Steve’s Arcthtop jazz guitar I have been making for some time. As you can see work has progressed somewhat since the last update. The top and back have been glued onto the sides so the body is complete. The truss rod slot is cut and the headstock angle is cut. My next job is to rough out the neck and then cut the dovetail to fit the neck to the body.

…All systems are go…


Further studies have revealed that the fetid odour was imbued with a substance of hallucinagenic properties. I am not an intergalactic starship commander but a lowly earthbound guitarmaker, and Carol is angry.

…back to work…